Rich Rants

I wonder if I will be able to get the fuck out of this place in one piece?

Well, with my GI Bill running out, I’ve been thinking of ways to use it and somewhat fit that crap in with my already hectic schedule since going to schools like UNLV or CSN is impractical… so I was thinking of taking classes online.

However, a good friend of mine suggested that since I’m going back to College, I might as well pursue a degree that I really wanted.

And that is Fine Arts.

Of course, that’s what my heart demands since I love to draw. But then, on the other hand, my practical side (ze brain) is telling me to be uh, practical and pursue something that I really dig as well and that would be Foreign Affairs (something that deals with Military Side of things)… and besides, being a former military serviceman, we’ve done some stuff that you would not see on any news bureaus so yea, I can relate and all that stuff.

I guess I’m coming to the point that I have to take care of MY needs, do the stuff that I REALLY want and be fucking happy with my life after five and a half years of sacrifice and setbacks that nearly drove me to the edge.

So, I decided that I will push with my passion– but it’s not going to be easy since filing paperworks with the Veteran’s Affairs takes considerable amount of time and patience. And I’m going to a Foreign School (much cheaper) so it’s going to be complicated.

I already started calling my friends and relatives to get infos for me.

I still have to talk to the VA for clarifications on this matter. But from the infos that I’m getting, it’s becoming more and more of a possibility so that’s motivating me to move on.

I must admit, I am nervous and apprehensive since human’s natural instinct of fearing the unknown is kicking in.

But I’m thinking: “Fuck it, no regrets, right? Live the life you want it to be!”

Yea, I know, such a overused cliche but it’s true anyways.

They term sleep as death, by which we may be literally said to die daily. I need my sleep and I need it badly.

But that’s the thing though, I can’t seem to get my self in that groove at the moment… so many things to think about. Hmm, come to think of it, I never had that much quality sleep for the past five years anyway. I guess ever since I got here in Vegas, it just got all fucked up. Some of my co-workers noticed that I looked so tired.

They are absofuckinglutely right. I’m so tired in so many levels.

The price that I pay for doing the right thing. Oh well.

I started running again after 10 months of doing nothing. By this time, my weight went up to 190 lbs again and you know, I didn’t see any reason why I should lose weight.

Of course, my lower back took the brunt of such thing to the point I have to cut my work time at one point when I felt this excruciating pain on my lower back that I could barely walk. It was a wake-up call for me to shed some pounds and this time, keep it that way. (Need to lose 30 lbs: from 190 to 160)

So, rewind back 5 days ago, March 13… I woke up 2 hours early so I can run: I bought a new running shorts (Adidas), placed new running song list on my iPod (Daft Punk’s Interstella 555), grabbed my cold Gatorade (Lemon flavor) from the Fridge and don my Navy sweatshirt– just to prod me along.

So, there I was, standing on a well-worn running track in the park, with a light breeze caressing my face that cool and sunny Thursday afternoon. After 10 months of bullshit, I think I have to do something about it and it starts with something that I love to do: running.

As Confucius said: “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step” and step I did.

Left foot, right foot, arms swinging close to my sides, back straight, breathe through my nose, exhale through my mouth, eyes alert (specially for dog shit), take short strides, repeat. Left foot, right foot, arms swinging close to my sides, back straight, breathe through my nose, exhale through my mouth, eyes alert (specially for dog shit), take short strides, repeat. Left foot, right foot, arms swinging close to my sides, back straight, breathe through my nose, exhale through my mouth, eyes alert (specially for dog shit), take short strides, repeat.

It wasn’t a cathartic experience per se but, it’s a start for me.

By the time I was done, my lungs felt like they’re going to explode, my legs a bit shaky but I’m fine nonetheless. I ran for a mile and a half… took me 20 minutes to finish ( I walked on my last half-mile) feeling giddy and experiencing that runner’s high.

I need to do this more often. Actually, I will do it later this morning so I need to get some sleep. Updates if I don’t feel lazy to make a blog.

With 2008 done and over with, everyone is just looking forward to the year 2009 full of hope and wishing for good things to come.

I hate to say this but, it wouldn’t be as pleasant as everybody hoped it would be. I know, I know, I shouldn’t be this pessimistic specially since 2009 just barely started. But hey, I’m just being real you know?

Anyways, the first half of my 2008 has been pleasant– things were (seemingly) looking well: things between me and this girl were looking pretty good, my health was going well and I had laid out my plans for the later part of the year. Despite the souring US economy exacerbated with the soaring fuel prices, the trip to Dubai would be the highlight of my 2008.

But as fate would have it, the Dubai vacation turned out so-so… if it weren’t for my cousins Steph and Jan, his wife/my cousin-in-law Sheryl and her friends, my trip would have been a total bust. Their company made my trip enjoyable despite the thing between me and this girl deteriorated.

Oh she’s beautiful all right but her true personality was the opposite: it was so rotten that it sickened me to my stomach that I was in bed for almost two days during my 18-day trip.

On my way back home, pleasant the other half of the trip may be, it is still tainted with that money-grubbing, pretentious, lying bitch.

And so it marked the the turning point of my year from July-December:it felt like everything was spiraling down all of a sudden–my health, my future plans, my sanity.. everything. Despite my (halfhearted) efforts to keep things in order, the feeling of helplessness still washes over me in the end–taunting me of my inability to rectify things in order.

November 12 came: I hit the 3-0. Looking back at my life the second I became more aware of my surroundings at the age of 2, I know that I still have ways to go. Despite I’m going all emo and shit, I started drafting my plans for this year; I will put these things in effect once my overall situation improves.

December arrived and I think Las Vegas hit an all-time low in the Hospitality Business–only to be rivaled by the sudden plummet in the aftermath of the 9-11 Attacks: Hotels laid people off by the thousands, construction work on the spiffier Casinos were halted as revenues shrank, Stock share prices reduced to a shadow of their former selves and everything else–housing, finance, banking, whatever—it all went down to the fucking shitter. And with these, hotel staffing went down to bare minimums. I got lucky that I wasn’t canned in my job–personally, if I was indeed fired, I would’ve went back to the military service… or jumped off from the roof of our hotel because seriously, I had it.

But since I’m sharing a survivalist trait of a Cockroach (it’s been reported that these critters has the ability to survive and thrive on a Nuclear Winter), I’m still here.

And with that, I’m fucking glad that 2008 is done and over.. of course, I still have my reservations with regards to 2009… but I think it gives me a clearer picture now on what NOT to do (like, wasting my time on somebody FOR LET’S SAY, 12 YEARS? Yea, I’m talking to YOU), I will still go on with my plan that I drafted last November and we’ll see how far it will take me this time.

We’ll see.

Well, can’t think of a witty title anyways so, whatever.

I don’t know if it’s global warming or whatnot or arctic winds bearing down on the American midwest, but Las Vegas had a “bit” of snow the other day. It rarely snow here in Vegas… I mean, it snows occassionally on places like Summerlin since the area is elevated. But snow in downtown? It’s pretty rare. But it seems like that the snow was I guess cold enough to guarantee a very slushy day.

And Mother Nature did it with gusto.

Interesting to see that some of the drivers here in Vegas gets pretty stupid when they encounter something like these because they have no fucking clue on what to do… I hope these idiots are fully insured.

I was late for atleast an hour due to this snowing thing and personally, I think it was fun walking a snow-filled sidewalk… while the wind felt like cold lances piercing through my winter jacket.

But still, gotta enjoy the moment, no? I think the last time it snowed like these was back in 2003… though it wasn’t as severe as this one.

A good portion of my life has been one of sacrifice: it is how I was brought up.. I guess it’s because it’s a “good thing” to do. And you know what, I have no qualms about it. In fact, I’m glad that it was ingrained in me at a very young age.

There’s this one book that I read and they were talking about what’s the basis for any strong relationship? It could be a lot of things but for me, it’s called “Unrequited Commitment“… it as at the core of any strong relationship is at least one moment of pure selflessness..

I’ve had conversations with other people specially the newly weds.. there’s this girl that was willing to go with him anywhere he wants to–even if that would mean the girl leaving the career/work that she loves.. she’ll give it up just for him. “What a lucky fucking guy” I thought.

I wish that my relationship with people (or girls for that matter) was a good as the others… but nope, seems like I always keep getting saddled with women that as selfish as a 2-year old spoiled brat.

And God knows why I even bother to always be the White Knight that comes to their aid when the going gets tough for them. I think I have to blame my “good” side for doing so… helping other people and all that crap.

Am I going to change my mantra about my unrequited commitment? Fuck no. It only meant that those people didn’t deserved my all in the first place. That’s all there is to it.

And for the ones who wronged me, there’s an old saying “what goes around, comes around…”

Karmic justice can be a bitch, guaranteed.

I just turned 30 a couple of days ago and I feel… lacking.

I still have a long way to go, that’s all there is to it.

With the U.S. economy at an all-time low, many businesses, no matter which industry are resorting to things like laying off workers just to stay afloat.

Our company in that matter have been doing some “retrenching” for the past few weeks as well; which was one of the things that’s been making me lose sleep these past few days. I knew that it was just a matter of time before this company’s frantic effort would rear it’s (ugly) head in my department.

And it did not disappoint.

We lost alot of ppl this Friday and some of them were good co-workers of mine. I didn’t knew the entire scope until Friday night from a friend. Learning that my name was still on the schedule list seems to have lifted this heavy load off my shoulders.

The realities of living in a Corporate world… it made me worry to the point that it almost convinced me to go back to the Military service all of a sudden…

…we’ll see what tommorrow brings then.

…I overslept yesterday. So basically, I didn’t get to work haha. I guess I slept like a log and wasn’t able to hear(or downright ignored) my alarm clock.

Aw man, and here I am, was thinking of completing this 40-hour work week since I’m trying to save money for XMas.

Aw shucks, it’s not like it’s a bad thing taking a break from work once in a while you know? I guess my body really wanted a break for a bit.